On the mend and figuring it out.

Hello, we've all had the virus from hell this week. Mia had it too. And it's hopefully almost done with us. She was feeling pretty good as she sat up and looked lovingly at her daddy on Monday. Then she cocooned up in her blanket when she was feeling poorly. But today she felt well enough to help Mommy with the laundry! I am praying that it is toward the end of the virus. Heather and Alison, Mia and I are scheduled to leave for Arkansas Saturday to visit our grandfather. Please pray that we all are healthy to travel. Fortunately, everyone in Arkansas has had the virus from hell this past week too! So, maybe we'll all be ok.
Mia and I have been camping out in the living room this week and she's been hanging out in her swing. It's been quite a journey, dealing with us all being sick. I've learned a lot about being the mom I am. I wrote out my thoughts last night...it's longwinded but it's accurate with where I am. Thanks to my dear Heather Becerra, I've come to a new resting peace in the midst of this new motherhood. I love her and miss her terrible, but her wisdom still slaps me across my face like a 2x4, as she would say.

It’s not much. It’s my thoughts right now. About motherhood, about this whole thing we are living; trying to figure who I am again, what my marriage is going to be with a child now, how relationships are changing and how to find myself in them again. Mainly, it’s the struggle of finding myself somewhere in the midst of the diapers and the spit up and remembering who I was before this.

I’ve been home these days with my little one. She caught a virus I had had that was absolutely terrible. I’ve been cupping her sweet face and catching her vomit. So glamorous, yet I didn’t want to be anywhere else but holding her little whimpering body. I can say we’ve bonded these days and I’m coming slowly to understand that I would give anything to take away her pain. I’m coming to understanding some of those things my mom would say when I was hurting and sick as well and realizing how much a mother can love her child. I know I’ve only begun to scratch the surface…

So, in the midst of the spit up and crying, both me and her, I had a conversation that was incredibly freeing. I spoke with a friend that has brilliant words of wisdom and always sends them my way exactly when I need them. She told me tonight as we talked about this change that motherhood brings, that in all that people tell us to do and to be as a mom, as parents, the correct way, or theory or method that works; in all the advice that each of us has been given, that just as every marriage is different, that every mom/parent and child is different. I can only be the mom that I am. And in whomever that is or will be it is the best Mom for Mia. I’m not going to do it “right” all the time, but I’m going to do it the best way I know how, and that is good enough. I think in all the ways we have talked about the books and methods and who did what when and if that was correct, I think I have felt like I was just getting by, barely making it as a new mom. Comparing myself to what everyone else was doing or not doing. And being way too hard on myself, worried that I would be making a mistake along the way; hoping that if I did make a mistake, I could undo it without too much trauma to Mia or myself. I know this is a simple concept, one that is a no brainer, but it is an amazing insight to me. And it is making me breathe a little easier tonight.

I’ve been having a hard time figuring out where Toby and I are in this strange new life. Where he is, where I am and where we are supposed to be. But I’ve been too wrapped in trying to be where we are “supposed” to be without knowing where that is exactly. We are doing a good job working as a team, and learning new ways to communicate our needs, or sometimes even identifying what those needs are. But I have still felt lost. My friend reminded me of something I said to her, “Watching movies is not a hobby. So, that means I don’t have a hobby…” I’m finding out who I am again. And that’s pretty cool. I get to find a hobby, something I like to do. Toby has several hobbies: golf, hunting, fishing, playing poker, softball. He has fun. He gets to go do those things. I have squat. It seems backwards to think that this time in my life, when I am introducing myself as a mom, that I am introducing myself to me all over again. I get to figure out what I like to do and it’s really important that I have something I like to do. I know motherhood has changed me forever, but I am still somewhere in here. The woman who loves the beauty of life, who takes every opportunity to live in a moment, to soak in someone’s presence, to watch the sunset as the world speeds by on I-4. The girl who loves to laugh and sing when she is happy is still inside of me. And all of who I am and have been is what is going to make me a great mom. It makes me a great mom now. It’s not that I am doing it all right, or following all the rules or advice. God created me to be Mia’s mom. I was the one He wanted to give her to. There are things that only I will be able to teach her, show her, love her through. No one else can do that for her. She belongs to me. She has my DNA, my markings all over her life. No one can erase that. I don’t have to be concerned with what is the correct way, or what worked for someone has to work for me. I’m the mom. I get to decide what is best. And it will look different than anyone else. And it’s supposed to.

Somehow in these days quarantined in my house I have grown more confident in being her Mom and making those decisions about what is best for her. What would be the most comfortable way to hold her, burp her, let her throw up…when to feed her, how much, how long…and watching her every breath waiting with a towel to catch the debris. I feel like I have shed the crap of “supposed to”, or what is expected of me, by whom I don’t know, perhaps myself. I’m letting myself off the hook. I’m letting myself just be the Mom that I am as I grow in that every day. Motherhood: It’s different. It’s weird. It’s surreal, but it’s great. And I feel like I’m taking my first breath of fresh air since Mia arrived. Too many dang expectations! Good grief!

Oooohs and Ahhhhs

These few weeks have been fun. Mia has been growing steadily and at last weigh in she was 9lbs 6ozs. Her face is thinning out and she is quite expressive. She raises one eyebrow at a time and wrinkles that side of her forehead. She's so supercute, I can't get enough. She's losing some of her hair on the sides, but the mohawk remains! One of my favorite things she does is she sneezes and then "ahhs" afterward. I wait for it every time and I'm kind of disappointed when she doesn't.
I had a very nice first Mother's day. Mia and Toby got me a day at the spa, which will very nice to indulge in very soon. Toby cooked me a big breakfast and we went swimming that day with Papa Wayne. Mia got her first dip in the pool too. She didn't care for that so much, though she looked ready for the beach in her pink bikini. We celebrated Toby's 28th Birthday too with family and friends to the house. We all were on top of each other in the small place we call home, but it was fun. We have been enjoying Mia. I guess every new parent does the same. But it is amazing how much she has grown and changed over such a short time. The time is passing too quickly already.

The Little Princess...and a few others

Gabbie turned One!!How do you like her crown? She hosted us with cupcakes and the beauty of the beach last Saturday and it was a blast. Lindsay did a great job with everything. The Hurst clan is getting big! Mia was trying on her beach hat which is way too big and Miss Jocelyn got her feet wet...it was very upsetting as you can see. She doesn't like getting dirty anyways, but that wave had sneaked up on her and got her feet and the meltdown occurred right after. Yvette and I were consoling her with our laughter! Mia went down to the beach and slept right through it. The beach was a beautiful respite. It feels so freeing to get down there on the edge of the land and take a deep breath. It kept me relaxed all weekend. So restful. The day was fun with our family and friends.

The Many Faces of Mia

We've had fun taking pictures! Mia is getting more and more expressive as you can see. Hope you enjoy them. I know we do! She does a nice demonstration of the many different ways to suck on her pacifier. She is funny! And we finally got a pic with Nina and all her girls! Supercute, right?

Miss Social Butterfly

Well, this week we have been very social! We've had lunch with Aunt Lindsay, Jocelyn, and Gabbie. We went to the park with Corrie and Madison, and Lindsay, Joc and Gabbie. Aunt Heather and Alison came over for the afternoon one day. We saw Gigi and Papi (Nat's parents) and visited Great Nana, which is pictured here. We went and met Daddy's friends at work, and then had lunch with Fran and Austin (he's a hunk and a whole month older than Mia!). We have been shopping and even went and met other babies at the baby group with Melinda and Haley, a friend from our birthing class and her new daughter. Mia and I have been very busy! And I'm exhausted! Next week we are having a few days of PJ's and a movie! God knows, I need it!

Mia has been changing and gaining a bit more weight. She's up to 7lbs 14ozs. Her face is not so round anymore as it was when she was born. She is becoming more vocal. She is a squeaker and a grunter. She stretches out hands high over her head with her feet straight out as she rolls her ankles around. It's hilarious. She is still supercute. I can't get enough of her. She has pretty dark blue eyes and her hair has yet to fall out. She's enjoying her baths and her play mat. And she likes quiet when she is really tired. She is finally liking her paci, thank God! We're figuring each other out still, but it is amazing being her mom. It's hard to believe she is almost a month old. Time is already passing too quickly...

Day or Night?

It has been one week since we've been home with our precious little girl. We are slowly adjusting to life with a baby. Mia is having some trouble knowing when it's day or night. Some nights she does really well and other nights she wants to stay awake and play. I guess that's part of parenthood. Mia is gaining weight. We went to the doctor on Tuesday and she had gained five ounces since we left the hospital making her a total weight of 7lb 3oz. It's amazing how much she has changed in a week and a half. I can look at her face and she looks much older. Her hair is getting lighter and her eyes are getting more color. We have had many visitors this week. All three of Mia's cousins have come over a couple of times and both sets of grandparents have loved spending time with her. Sunday the grandparents came over and wanted to spruce up our back patio for us and they did. (with lots of help from daddy) We planted ferns and flowers and put down mulch and it looks really good. I will be going back to work on Monday so that will be a little different for both Natalie and I. Please leave us comments or emails.

Hello, I'm new here!

Mia Grace Hurst was brought into this world at 3:59pm Monday March 24th, 2008. She was 7lbs. 8oz. and was 19 and 3/4 inches long. She is doing real well as is mommy. Mia is feeding really well and is very laid back. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us and supporting us. Here are a few teaser pictures.