Four Months!

Summer time is great!! Mia has spent a lot of time with Toby while I'm working. She is certainly a Daddy's girl! Every morning she greets us with laughter and smiles, kicks and giggles. Mia is growing fast. She has rolls on her thighs and her wrists. She just got her play saucer today, though her feet can't touch the bottom unless there are phone books for her to stand on, she is figuring out how to turn around in it and check everything out. She can be very focused on something new. She talks to us all the time, and uses her varied facial expressions to get her point across. We're having a great time with her. Hope you enjoy the pics!

To My Daddy

Hey Daddy!! Miss you! Thought I'd send you some laughs and giggles! Mommy and I had a great day with Greatgrandma Elsa and Gigi, Aunt Heather and Alison. She had funny stick-up hair today! I tried rolling over, but held my head up real good instead. I miss you, Daddy and so does Mommy. She told me. But we love you!! Have fun this weekend! Don't worry, I'll save some smiles for you when you get back! Love, your Mia

Me, My Friends and the 4th

Here are a few of Mia's friends at baby group. Haley, Julia and Mia. All were in a good mood and looking at the camera with the moms standing in the same order making funny sounds we think will make our babies look at us. It was funny. They held hands and even tasted each other's hands every now and then. They are already sharing!
We had a great 4th. Mia was decked out in her "American Baby" dress, so cute and checked! We spent it with family and then at a friend's house. There was great food and a whole lot of talking about the babies. It seems it really is a universal bond with every parent.
Mia likes to watch TV. I think it is the blinking lights. Though I do feel bad when she watches it every time it's on. I'm afraid it will turn her brain mushy, but I know it won't. We've been reading to her and singing to her and she likes shaking her booty. She helps her daddy play his video soccer game. She loves to sit up and stand up. She will be perfectly content sitting with us on the couch or wherever. She has discovered her hands, and holds them together like a little lady. You can see they taste quite good too. She flashes us her huge gummy grin and is laughing much more. She talks to us all the time, in her swing, in her car seat, at the table, on the couch. She's pretty funny, but I guess that is not surprising that she is our delight just like every other parent and child. She is laughing when I bathe her as I wash her hands and under her chin. She is turning towards our voices and is looking for us when we are in a room. She's weighing in at 11lbs 6ozs right now. She's getting rolls on her legs and her wrists and her fingers are getting fat. She is so much fun.
I hope everything is well with you and I promise we'll update sooner next time. Love you all.

Three months old...almost!

Father's Day was wonderful! Daddy got all kinds of goodies, shirts, books, Manchester United jersey and t-shirt. Toby and I actually got to have a dinner and a movie date that night. I love Fiddler's Green (Irish pub in Winter Park, brings me back to the time we spent in England and Scotland)! They have the best food...We just sat across from each other and said, "Hi."
Mia's getting big. 11lbs-3ozs this week. She turns three months on Tuesday. Time is already passing too quickly. She's a funny little girl. She has enjoyed her time at Gigi's (Lyzette) and Nina's(Yvette). Mia will sit and chat with you after she eats for about half an hour. She shares alot of her thoughts with us. Apparently, she's got a lot of opinions. So she has talked to Papa Wayne and Popi Larry, Aunt Lindsay and Cousins Joc and Gabbie this week. She's so happy! Love her nearly naked picture? Yeah, at baby group she had a blow out and there were no extra onesies in the bag. Good times. There was only a pair of pants and a dirty bib. She was happy as could be though and kept flashing me these huge smiles, so I had to get a picture. She's grabbing and holding onto her burp cloths, and blankets, and her ears. If she pulls them anymore, she's going to look like Yoda! She's wanting to stand up and she's holding her head really well all the time. She's such a joy to have. She makes my day every day. At baby group we hung out with Julia and Haley, two girls Mia's age that are all five days apart. They were super cute and all happy at the same time (very rare). They held hands and were kicking together. It'll be neat to see them grow up together.

Back to work, but not missin' a thing!

Thank you all for your prayers as I went back to work today. It was hard leading up to it, but I kept things positive in my mind by thinking "It's only three days a week." Work went well. My boobs did not explode with all the other babies crying. And parents who annoy me at first by asinine requests and opinions, roll off my back because I can understand their point in a way just because I'm a mom now. Pumping went fine. I was guaranteed three breaks at least for fifteen minutes, and days that are crazy like today, that normally never happens. I had those moments to think about my little girl, and I did that all day long. I couldn't wait to get home. Toby had a good day and at one point he went to his parents house for reinforcements. He did well. He also had dinner ready to cook when I got home! She was starving but I'm glad he didn't feed her and waited for me to come home. I think the hardest thing about going back to work is fearing that I am going to miss something that she does for the first time. I was so afraid I was going to miss her first laugh, knowing that it was going to happen soon. As I talked to her tonight, I tickled her under her chin, and she laughed!! For the first time!!! I didn't miss it!!!! I almost cried!! I'm so thankful. Even God knows the smallest things that are important to me and gives me that precious gift. It wasn't a fluke, Toby reassured me, he hadn't heard her do that either. And all three of us were sitting together in the living room. So, that is my awesome moment from a day that I dreaded for so long. She's the best thing to ever happen to me...
Thanks for your prayers again. love you all.

Mia's First Trip

Mia went on her first trip! Heather and I bravely (or stupidly) got on an airplane with our little ones to Arkansas. We all did pretty good on the flights. Alison and Mia slept a lot of the way. Mia got to meet my Aunt Nita, Uncle David and cousin Kristi. Gran and Syble were so glad to have us all in their home. We wished we could have spent more time together. But Gran got to see all of his girls and he was very proud of us all. Mia and I sat with Gran one morning and listened to the original windchimes out in the carport. Mom (my grandmother, who passed in 1999) and Gran always had windchimes in their carport and Heather and I would sit outside on the swing and listen as the wind blew. The sound reminds me of their house and all the time we spent with them. I think about my grandmother every time I hear windchimes. It was a sweet time with them. I am glad we went. Toby missed his girls, though and we were glad to be home.
Mia is now recovered from the virus we had and is a healthy 10 lbs! Finally, we reached double digits! She did well today as she got her first set of shots. She happily cooed at me all the way home. So I am thankful for that.
I am preparing to return to work next week. And Toby is getting ready to be with Mia when I go to work. School is out, and he is on the way to being Mr. Mom. He'll do great. I know I will be anxious to get home after work to see my baby after a long day. I'm not looking forward to work at all, but I am thankful for the time I've had with her. I feel very bonded with her, especially over our sickness and our trip to Arkansas. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And her coos and ahhh's, sweet smiles and little laugh send me over the moon. I couldn't ask for more...

On the mend and figuring it out.

Hello, we've all had the virus from hell this week. Mia had it too. And it's hopefully almost done with us. She was feeling pretty good as she sat up and looked lovingly at her daddy on Monday. Then she cocooned up in her blanket when she was feeling poorly. But today she felt well enough to help Mommy with the laundry! I am praying that it is toward the end of the virus. Heather and Alison, Mia and I are scheduled to leave for Arkansas Saturday to visit our grandfather. Please pray that we all are healthy to travel. Fortunately, everyone in Arkansas has had the virus from hell this past week too! So, maybe we'll all be ok.
Mia and I have been camping out in the living room this week and she's been hanging out in her swing. It's been quite a journey, dealing with us all being sick. I've learned a lot about being the mom I am. I wrote out my thoughts last night...it's longwinded but it's accurate with where I am. Thanks to my dear Heather Becerra, I've come to a new resting peace in the midst of this new motherhood. I love her and miss her terrible, but her wisdom still slaps me across my face like a 2x4, as she would say.

It’s not much. It’s my thoughts right now. About motherhood, about this whole thing we are living; trying to figure who I am again, what my marriage is going to be with a child now, how relationships are changing and how to find myself in them again. Mainly, it’s the struggle of finding myself somewhere in the midst of the diapers and the spit up and remembering who I was before this.

I’ve been home these days with my little one. She caught a virus I had had that was absolutely terrible. I’ve been cupping her sweet face and catching her vomit. So glamorous, yet I didn’t want to be anywhere else but holding her little whimpering body. I can say we’ve bonded these days and I’m coming slowly to understand that I would give anything to take away her pain. I’m coming to understanding some of those things my mom would say when I was hurting and sick as well and realizing how much a mother can love her child. I know I’ve only begun to scratch the surface…

So, in the midst of the spit up and crying, both me and her, I had a conversation that was incredibly freeing. I spoke with a friend that has brilliant words of wisdom and always sends them my way exactly when I need them. She told me tonight as we talked about this change that motherhood brings, that in all that people tell us to do and to be as a mom, as parents, the correct way, or theory or method that works; in all the advice that each of us has been given, that just as every marriage is different, that every mom/parent and child is different. I can only be the mom that I am. And in whomever that is or will be it is the best Mom for Mia. I’m not going to do it “right” all the time, but I’m going to do it the best way I know how, and that is good enough. I think in all the ways we have talked about the books and methods and who did what when and if that was correct, I think I have felt like I was just getting by, barely making it as a new mom. Comparing myself to what everyone else was doing or not doing. And being way too hard on myself, worried that I would be making a mistake along the way; hoping that if I did make a mistake, I could undo it without too much trauma to Mia or myself. I know this is a simple concept, one that is a no brainer, but it is an amazing insight to me. And it is making me breathe a little easier tonight.

I’ve been having a hard time figuring out where Toby and I are in this strange new life. Where he is, where I am and where we are supposed to be. But I’ve been too wrapped in trying to be where we are “supposed” to be without knowing where that is exactly. We are doing a good job working as a team, and learning new ways to communicate our needs, or sometimes even identifying what those needs are. But I have still felt lost. My friend reminded me of something I said to her, “Watching movies is not a hobby. So, that means I don’t have a hobby…” I’m finding out who I am again. And that’s pretty cool. I get to find a hobby, something I like to do. Toby has several hobbies: golf, hunting, fishing, playing poker, softball. He has fun. He gets to go do those things. I have squat. It seems backwards to think that this time in my life, when I am introducing myself as a mom, that I am introducing myself to me all over again. I get to figure out what I like to do and it’s really important that I have something I like to do. I know motherhood has changed me forever, but I am still somewhere in here. The woman who loves the beauty of life, who takes every opportunity to live in a moment, to soak in someone’s presence, to watch the sunset as the world speeds by on I-4. The girl who loves to laugh and sing when she is happy is still inside of me. And all of who I am and have been is what is going to make me a great mom. It makes me a great mom now. It’s not that I am doing it all right, or following all the rules or advice. God created me to be Mia’s mom. I was the one He wanted to give her to. There are things that only I will be able to teach her, show her, love her through. No one else can do that for her. She belongs to me. She has my DNA, my markings all over her life. No one can erase that. I don’t have to be concerned with what is the correct way, or what worked for someone has to work for me. I’m the mom. I get to decide what is best. And it will look different than anyone else. And it’s supposed to.

Somehow in these days quarantined in my house I have grown more confident in being her Mom and making those decisions about what is best for her. What would be the most comfortable way to hold her, burp her, let her throw up…when to feed her, how much, how long…and watching her every breath waiting with a towel to catch the debris. I feel like I have shed the crap of “supposed to”, or what is expected of me, by whom I don’t know, perhaps myself. I’m letting myself off the hook. I’m letting myself just be the Mom that I am as I grow in that every day. Motherhood: It’s different. It’s weird. It’s surreal, but it’s great. And I feel like I’m taking my first breath of fresh air since Mia arrived. Too many dang expectations! Good grief!